Stooopid...

I'll start with a pic of a really nice dinner I made a few days ago and then I'll tell you about my stooopid moment.

This is a 'soused' fish with sweet and sour veges. I will post the recipe tomorrow on the Sana site and put a link up. T'was really delish. I know fish is good for me but I have to work it hard to turn it into something that I like. Fish without good flavour just doesn't spin my wheels.

I've discovered something new about being a recovered binge eater/binge dieter. It's not really 'new' per se, but just something that I'm prone to forget as time goes by..... there is no 'on', no 'off' and no 'going on a diet'. Sometimes this sneaks up on me... like today for example. I've been feeling a bit stretched, not getting enough sleep and.. drinking rather a lot of coffee....ahem... Today I was feeling excessively on edge and in grave danger of saying some very unkind things to some people that were, admittedly, probably just asking for it. Somehow, in my stooooopid little diet brain, this translated into 'I've really got to cut the caffeine again'... and this became 'I'd might as well do a full detox', which became.. 'oh, ok, if I'm starting a detox tomorrow then I'd might as well have a croissant and a huge icecream for lunch. Note the level of self deception. It wasn't a diet but a 'detox', which sounds quite rational. I spent time planning it out, deciding would be allowed or not on my detox and, of course, had to stop by the coffee shop for a cake on the way home, just to read my journal and be sure I was fully prepped. After a hamburger 'with everything' for dinner I came to my senses and saw what was really going on. I'm just doing my usual old trick of trying to control my life by restricting my diet. I had a look through my journal and decided that actually my nutrition is really, really good. I do not need to detox, or overhaul. Training is great too. No need to make a quantum leap into perceived dietary perfection. What I did instead was address the real need. I called my sister to have a damn good bitch and moan about my concerns at the factory. My sister is the major shareholder of our business and together we basically reinvented my job and also I gave myself a day off work tomorrow to get my head together and get some sleep. When I return on Thursday I will be in full charge of the thing which is most pissing me off - production scheduling - and will be training the admin assistant to do the bulk of my time-wasting regulatory paperwork. Uh huh.. one day it should finally get through my brain that dieting and food control are not the answer to absolutely everything .....I know, it's a tough one to grasp!