*HAPPY NEW YEAR*

Warning: this post contains absolutely nothing about fitness. It may mention Salsa dancing and quite a bit of self indulgent waffling about my inner state. Feel free to groan loudly and close the browser.

Last night, instead of sitting on my arse moping, I got off that arse and went to a Salsa dinner and party. By some sick twist of irony, it happened to be held in a venue which was once 'our' favourite restaurant when it was an Italian place called Il Felice and I was struggling with random waves of nostalgia. We had a favourite table and I was sitting pretty close to it. It was emotionally brutal every time my mind went 'there' but most of the time I was able to focus on the conversation, made some new friends and then got into some dancing. I'm out of practice and need to get back to class (and find someone to practice with!) but it was great to do it, get my dancing shoes on and move my body. I was feeling so good that I sent a text inviting Jason to the party, knowing he didn't really have plans, then not long afterward I felt really nauseous and had to leave anyway. I think the lack of sleep+curry+spinning didn't work for my stressed out little tummy.

Mentally, I'm almost there with acceptance. It's a freaking mind trip when something comes out of the blue like this and turns life upside down and backwards! Yesterday I was mostly feeling positive and like, yes, maybe this actually is the best thing for me. I was veeeeery comfortable in my relationship and to quite a large degree had stopped pursuing the interests that I had earlier in the relationship, when we were still living apart. When we moved in together I really did fall into losing myself, just because his life was very established and it was easier to fit myself around that than continue to focus on my own life. Also, being in a two-income household meant I could afford to focus my efforts on the struggling factory business, so now everything is different. I'm sort of wavering between understanding that, focusing forward and then I'll catch myself just 'waiting' for things to spring back to 'normal' and have to slap myself hard. I'm going to have to make major changes, get a house, get a new job, shift my stuff. It's a lot to cope with. I can't afford to be a wuss about any of it.

I had to go back 'home' (still think of it that way for the moment) to pick up a jacket before going out and it was ok. I was feeling good and didn't freak out at all when I saw Jason, just got in and out without drama. I think the drama is over, I mean, I'm not stupid. I'm not going to waste my life fretting over someone that didn't even wish me a Happy New Year. It's obvious that I'm no longer even a blip on his emotional radar, which bites really hard and it's good that I have....

My girlfriends and boyfriends (uh-boys who are friends) and family. Yesterday I got 20 texts, some from people that I have no idea how they found out about the break up (it's not like I write about it on the internet or anything....). My Uncle even called me just to give a little pep talk and in general I'm just in the middle of a tremendous wave of people telling me that I'm cool and fabulous and that I'll be ok and can deal with this. It made such a difference on New Years eve because my entire family are away right now and of course, my adopted family (Jasons family) is suddenly not there either. It does help so much to know that maybe ONE person thinks I'm not worth the effort, but there are many more that do want to know me. I didn't even know I had so many friends! You all rock. You are all right, 2009 will be the best year yet.

One thing I have decided is that I want to continue to run Sana Direct, but it's going to take some time to move the website from the 'home' server and decide what I'm going to do with it now that it's 'mine' not 'ours'. I will need to find an interested person to help me with it because even at the level it runs now (quite small) it is quite a lot of work with the writing and the sending of stuff, invoicing, accounts yada yada. I'll think more about that later, right now it's time to complete this post, crank out a workout and then to finish a Uni assignment which is not coming along well (who am I kidding? I've hardly even started it!).

On the career front I'm in a state of flux and will undoubtedly blab on about this incessantly in coming posts as I sort myself out and decide what to get my teeth really stuck into. I'm not sure, apart from Sana, if I want to continue in the supplement industry. I'm interested in many other things including health and technology and writing and travel but I'm not going to rush a decision, the important thing is to get myself mentally and physically stabilised, then I'll find something I enjoy and go for it.